I've not been on here for a while. I've had things I could write about but nothing felt real enough for me. Nothing gritty or real enough for the zero people following me.
Then all of a sudden things got too real, too fast & all of a sudden life is there punching me in the face and kicking me when I'm down.
Everyone always talks about how great it is when you are falling in love. No one ever talks about the landing. Thats where shit really happens.
I swear to God I don't know how this happened. It sounds cliche to say but I really didn't see it coming. I would have been the first person to put on the brakes.
But yet here it is, in my face & I can't do anything about it. It's like I'm on standby, just watching my heart destroy me from the outside in.
I ache so much it's tangible, palpable. & sometimes I swear I can hear my heart breaking.
It's not her fault of course. She can't help not loving me back anymore then I could help loving her. The heart makes it's choices with no regards to you. Just does what it does and leaves you there to clean up the mess.
When you can get two hearts to agree it's like the stars aline & the world is this amazing cosmic place. & even then you run the risk of one heart or both changing there mind. Nothing can ever really be forever right?
But more often then not, they dont agree...then you end up with me. & I assure you I am a mess.
I'm trying not to be. I'm striving to be the definition of strong. I'm a survivor after all. But my heart...it just plain doesn't give a damn. It's determined to break me & force me to give in.
Why else am I laying here listening to Sarah Mclachlans 'You do what you have to do'?
Then all of a sudden things got too real, too fast & all of a sudden life is there punching me in the face and kicking me when I'm down.
Everyone always talks about how great it is when you are falling in love. No one ever talks about the landing. Thats where shit really happens.
I swear to God I don't know how this happened. It sounds cliche to say but I really didn't see it coming. I would have been the first person to put on the brakes.
But yet here it is, in my face & I can't do anything about it. It's like I'm on standby, just watching my heart destroy me from the outside in.
I ache so much it's tangible, palpable. & sometimes I swear I can hear my heart breaking.
It's not her fault of course. She can't help not loving me back anymore then I could help loving her. The heart makes it's choices with no regards to you. Just does what it does and leaves you there to clean up the mess.
When you can get two hearts to agree it's like the stars aline & the world is this amazing cosmic place. & even then you run the risk of one heart or both changing there mind. Nothing can ever really be forever right?
But more often then not, they dont agree...then you end up with me. & I assure you I am a mess.
I'm trying not to be. I'm striving to be the definition of strong. I'm a survivor after all. But my heart...it just plain doesn't give a damn. It's determined to break me & force me to give in.
Why else am I laying here listening to Sarah Mclachlans 'You do what you have to do'?
No comments:
Post a Comment